As I look back at the many changes that have occurred in my life over the last five years, I realize that we can change our lives dramatically and that we should not wait for a life-threatening event to restructure the path of our lives. Do it NOW.
Certain moments in life remain etched forever in your memory. Stress and trying to balance my hectic schedule was challenging for a single mother of three and a full-time dentist in a solo practice. Sitting at my kitchen table planning my next week’s schedule and finding that there were not enough hours in a day or days in a week, I can remember that moment as if it were yesterday. Reflecting back, I was six months into a divorce, my finances were a disaster, my three boys were emotional volcanoes, and the demands of my dental practice left very little time for myself. Brushing the hair out of my eyes (I hadn’t had time to get it cut) and trying to give the dog a little affection as he kept bumping into my leg, I remember. Ah, those crazy clichés keep surfacing.
Breast cancer … what happened to my plan for a perfect life? Many things, of course, but cancer never crossed my mind. In dental school I looked forward to becoming a dentist with such enthusiasm, eager to open my own dental practice, to face the challenges ahead, and to accept the rewards of providing optimum dental care. Next would be a perfect marriage, a couple of children, a house, and a dog or two. A wonderful life, no difficulties - that’s what I was working toward. Wasn’t that the way it was supposed to be?
OK, back to reviewing next week’s schedule, I saw an appointment for a mammogram, which was made a year in advance. I picked up the telephone, fully intending to cancel. Who has time to take care of herself with such a long list of urgent things needing her attention? But I slowly replaced the receiver on the phone without canceling the appointment. To this day, I have no idea why I didn’t.
The mammogram - the one I almost cancelled - detected three suspicious areas. The next couple of weeks were filled with doctors’ appointments, tests, scary thoughts, and decisions. The first was a needle biopsy. The radiologist placed a needle the size of a knitting needle into the area of concern in my breast. I then got to sit in the hallway in a lovely hospital gown, freezing, waiting for the X-ray before going to the operating room for the biopsy. The biopsy confirmed the presence of breast cancer. Along with a feeling of being totally alone, I was dealing with the fear of who would care for my children, patients, and staff while I was fighting this horrible disease. With all the stress, fear, and anxiety relating to the breast cancer, I have a recollection of losing control, almost as if I had a small nervous breakdown. What about my staff? What about their fears of not having a job? In retrospect, my staff managed to help me through this time and more.
The day before the surgery, the surgeon used a marker to draw on my chest to guide him the next day. That’s when it really hit me that I was about to have both of my breasts removed. After the surgery, I couldn’t look at my flat chest. I certainly would have broken down if I had, and I knew that I needed to remain strong for my family and my staff. I underwent a double mastectomy and reconstructive surgery in late 1999. There were no metastases and, fortunately, no need for chemotherapy or radiation treatments. Only after six weeks of weekly saline injections into the expanders that were placed beneath the skin did I have the strength to catch a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror. The hardest part of the recovery was the first week. Six drains were sticking out of my flat chest for fluid drainage, which was not painful.
My staff remained by my side. In fact, the morning after my surgery, one of my hygienists came to the hospital to help me bathe. When one truly feels alone, it is amazing to find the kindness and love in others and watch how it manifests itself at times like these.
I learned some very valuable lessons during this time that will stay with me forever:
• Staff members are invaluable during times of great stress. My staff worked very hard to back me up with the help of a young female dentist covering my practice. Things didn’t fall apart without me. I am grateful to them all for helping me during my recovery.
• Even the strongest person is affected emotionally when told she has cancer. It devastated me, and I had to work extremely hard to recover. I almost cancelled that mammogram appointment because I was too busy; I shudder each time I think of that. It has been difficult to write about this time in my life, trying to avoid pencil and paper, but I guess I’ve also been trying to avoid reliving this time in my life.
• The trauma of being diagnosed with cancer changes one’s life forever. It certainly changed me. Before, I took my health and life for granted, passing up exercise to do housework or paperwork. I seldom took quiet time with my children to listen and play with them. I was always rushing from one thing to the next and not taking time to smell the flowers. I still struggle with the flower-smelling, but now I do it more often. I exercise regularly, watch what I eat, go for regular check-ups, and get more sleep. I am choosing professional activities more carefully, laughing more, and taking the time to talk to my children. I always want to do my absolute best at everything; however, I am more aware that there is not enough time in each day to get everything completed to perfection.
Now, five years later, I am cancer-free. My life has gone through so many changes - I have learned to enjoy each day and take nothing for granted. I have been remarried now for two years to a really great guy. Our blended family of four teenage boys and two very active dogs is challenging and keeps us busy. To help balance our otherwise crazy lives, my husband decided to leave his job as a guidance counselor and take control of the home front. This was a big decision that has impacted our finances, but it allows us more time with family, friends, and each other. This has also given me the opportunity to grow my practice and take in an associate who wants to become my partner.
As I look back at the many changes that have occurred in my life over the last five years, I realize that we can change our lives dramatically and that we should not wait for a life-threatening event to restructure the path of our lives. Do it NOW. Make a plan, write it down, and stay on track. You can change your life much faster than you think.
Virginia Plaisted, DDS, FAGD
Dr. Plaisted practices dentistry full-time in Delmar, N.Y. She is a member of the ADA, AGD, AACD, and is council for 3M’s Innovative Dentistry. Dr. Plaisted is married and the mother of three teenage boys. You may contact her by email at [email protected].
