Question:
I’ve noticed that I spend a lot of my time with difficult people and I am finding it quite draining. What can I do?
Answer:
Sounds like you spend a lot of time with anchors. No, not the kind you drop ship with, but anchors as in people. World-renowned marine artist Wyland said, “There are two types of people: anchors and motors. You want to lose the anchors and get with the motors because the motors are going somewhere and they’re having more fun. The anchors will just drag you down.”
So, who do you hang out with? Peer pressure does not stop as we age, and it continues to affect us, oftentimes in subtle ways. If you are around people who constantly lie, chances are you will lie. If you associate with people who spend every dime they earn, chances are you will have no savings either. On the other hand, if you spend your time with movers and shakers, chances are you will become one, so associate with successful people. Follow these five steps to gain insight into your relationships. Awareness is the first key to change.
➊ Write down the names of the people you associate with most often. Consider family, friends, team members, peers, and others.
➋ Evaluate their influence on you. What have they got you doing, saying, reading, thinking, and feeling? List all the positive and negative effects they have on you. Are you inspired, motivated, and encouraged, or are you disillusioned, manipulated, and downtrodden when you are with them?
➌ Next, place a plus sign or negative sign next to each person’s name. Plus means he or she is a motor and negative means he or she is an anchor.
➍ Look for patterns in your list. Do members of your family fall into one category more than the other? How about your friends? Can you imagine having all anchors as part of your dental team? Who’s encouraging you the most and having a positive influence in your life - your spouse, the peers you hang with?
➎ It’s time for a reality check. Acknowledge your feelings and ask yourself if it is OK that you feel this way around these people. If your answer is “no,” then change is due.By now, you might be thinking that you need to remove these negative people from your life. You’re right. It is not always possible to make this happen (but in severe cases it must be done). What are your other choices?
☛ You can limit the time you spend with them. Your time must be spent with people and activities that move you forward toward your goals. Do not waste your time on energy drainers and demotivators. Say “no” to these people.
☛ If you still want or have to spend time with them, speak with them about your concerns for your relationships. Be honest with them, share your feelings, and ask them to stop making disparaging and negative comments to you. Catch them in action when they forget.
☛ Seek supportive people to spend the majority of your time with. Find a mentor, a mastermind group, or someone you admire, and associate and learn from each. What makes them successful? Who has a dental practice you would like to emulate? Call that doctor and meet for lunch. Who do you know who has a strong marriage? What can you learn from him or her if you want to improve your relationship with your spouse? When you are busy associating with successful people, you will have less time to spend with anchors.
☛ If you believe the negative remarks others make about you, replace them with positive, nurturing comments to yourself. Get yourself on a path of self-growth, work with a coach, or do both.
☛ Terminate negative and toxic employees. Life at the office will be much more pleasant. Likewise, fire those energy-draining patients.
Jim Rohn, a motivational speaker and author, has said that “you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” Who is on your short list? Make them positive, forward-thinking, and successful people who will encourage you to be the best that you can be. Disassociate from the anchors and associate with the motors.
Stephanie Houseman, DMD
Dr. Houseman practiced dentistry in St. Louis for 25 years. She is married to a dentist, has two grown children, and understands all too well the demands we place on ourselves. She now works with dentists who want to simplify their lives so that they can enjoy themselves again. She is a graduate of the Coaches Training Institute, creator of the 7 Steps 2 a Balanced Life Program™, and author of “The Balance Beam,” a weekly e-newsletter about balance and life. Reach Dr. Houseman at www.7steps2abalancedlife.com or (618) 639-5433.
