by Mitchell Karp, Esq., MSOD
Mention conflict to most people, including dentists, and they’ll tell you they would rather have a root canal without anesthesia. Conflict brings anger, trouble, and headaches to mind. Yet conflict, if managed correctly, can foster creativity, improve relationships, and bring unresolved issues into the open.
During any given week many dentists face innumerable conflicts. Here are samples of situations that often arise within dental offices between members of the dental team:
- Situation 1: Two employees at the front desk have very different work styles that often cause conflict. Person A likes to chit chat and schmooze. Person B finds this behavior irritating and intrusive and prefers a more task-focused environment. In addition, Person B complains that Person A lets the phone ring three times before picking it up.
- Situation 2: A dental assistant (Person C) frequently complains to the dentist that her colleague (Person D) is not pulling her weight, and she insists that the dentist remedy the situation. Among her complaints is that she ends up sterilizing more instruments and handling the emergency patients while her colleague conveniently disappears.
- Situation 3: The dentist prides himself on running a very efficient office. It is particularly frustrating that one of the hygienists often arrives late in the morning and returns late from lunch. Efforts to counsel and coach the individual have not produced a noticeable change in her behavior. To make matters worse, she’s the best hygienist on the team.
When left unresolved, conflict can be divisive and result in miscommunication and lapses in patient service. Don’t despair; help is on the way. By understanding how to diagnose and analyze conflicts and expanding your conflict management toolkit, you will be able to apply these five steps and transform even the most insurmountable conflicts into
team-building opportunities.
Step 1: Define the issue using descriptive, not judgmental, languageWhen a conflict arises, the first challenge is to resist rushing into action. Spend a little time analyzing and understanding the conflict. Ask yourself what the issue is. Try to make behavior, not people, the problem so that you avoid putting anyone on the defensive.Let’s revisit Situation 1. If you ask Person A what the problem is, she might say, “Person B is cold and rigid and not a good team player.” If you ask Person B to describe the conflict, she might say, “Person A is a busy-body gossip who should focus on her work and not be so distracted.” This approach clearly will not foster open communication or effective conflict resolution. How you frame the conflict sets the tone and will undoubtedly influence your conflict resolution strategy.What happens if instead of adopting Person A or B’s approach, the dentist offers an impartial statement of the situation? In Situation 1 the dentist might say, “It seems that you have different ideas about what constitutes a good working relationship. Is that correct?” Notice that the dentist uses descriptive rather than judgmental language. There is no victim or villain in that statement. Consequently, neither person feels criticized or judged, and the stage has been set for further inquiry and conversation. Keep in mind that the presenting conflict (e.g., she took my stapler without asking) may camouflage an underlying conflict (e.g., I don’t feel respected by my colleague).
Step 2: Describe each person’s perspectiveWhen trying to resolve a conflict, avoid choosing sides, even if you have a strong opinion. It undermines your impartiality and effectiveness. In order to gain each party’s trust, you need to distinguish between “seeing” someone’s point of view and “agreeing” with that point of view.Looking at Situation 2, the dentist might frame the problem as, “Person C and D do not agree on how the work is distributed between them.” After speaking privately with C and listening to her version of the situation, the dentist might say something like: “So you think D is disappearing whenever an emergency appointment comes in and generally not doing as much work as she should. Did I get that right?” After hearing you repeat what you heard, D may erroneously assume that you agree with C’s version. To minimize that possibility, you might say, “I imagine D will offer a different description, but I want to make sure I understand your perspective before I speak with her.” Notice you have avoided taking anyone’s side. This process will have to be repeated when you speak with D. It’s imperative that each person feels “heard” and not judged.Taking a perspective, a vital skill for managing conflicts, is linked to empathy. Keep in mind that no one wakes up in the morning thinking, “I want to act irrational today.” So if someone’s behavior seems irrational to you, it’s a good indication that you don’t understand his or her perspective. In order to practice this skill, try to speak in first person singular. An example of this is, “I, C, think D is too controlling and doesn’t know how to ask for help. She insists on doing everything and then acts like she’s the victim.”
Step 3: Separate “positions” from “interests”Once you state each person’s perspective so that they feel heard, the focus shifts to resolving the conflict. This involves helping each person shift from their “position” to their “interest.” In conflict management, these words take on a slightly different meaning. A person’s “position” reflects his or her emotional state and what he or she feels. A person’s “interest” is what that person needs — his or her long- or short-term self-interest. Interestingly, most conflicts occur because people take a “position” and get stuck in it, such as “I hate working with her!” Most conflicts are resolved by having the people understand and act based on their “interests,” such as, “If you want to keep your job, you’re going to have to get along with her.” This example demonstrates how often we help others shift from their position to their interest. Your friend needs to sell her home because she’s moving to another city in three months. She insists that she will not accept any offer less than $250,000. This is her position. You ask, “How many offers have you received?” When she says none, you ask, “Aren’t you concerned that you’ll end up trying to sell your home after you’ve moved? Maybe you should consider lowering your asking price.” Here you have used questions to guide your friend away from her position by reminding her of her interest.
Step 4: Identify a win-win objectiveNow that you have helped the parties identify their interests, the stage is set for moving toward a common objective. This involves identifying a shared interest. Sometimes it’s the least common denominator. For example, in Situation 3, the dentist might say to the hygienist, “You want to keep your job and I want you to be able to keep your job.” This becomes the win-win objective. In Situation 2 the common objective might be, “You both want to come up with a system where the work is divided evenly.” For Situation 1 the win-win objective could be, “You both want a good working relationship and to have your needs and preferences valued and respected.” Notice, the win-win objective is NOT the solution; it is a common goal. Once the parties agree to that objective, Step 5, the problem-solving process, can begin.
Step 5: Generate options and develop a specific action plan In this last step, have each party offer suggestions. Be sure to ask, “How will this address the other person’s needs and concerns?” Sometimes it’s preferable to have each person offer two solutions and then ask the other person which option would work best for him or her. Other times you may choose to try one party’s solution for a month, and then evaluate, and if the situation hasn’t improved, adopt one of the other party’s solutions. Keep in mind that in a dental office, the two people in conflict are not the only ones affected. The impact on other employees and on patient service must also be considered. The dentist (or whoever intervenes in the conflict) must represent and protect the needs and interests of any third parties affected by this conflict.Once you select the best option, develop an action plan (who will do what, by when, what will be done if further misunderstandings arise). Check with each person to ensure they agree in terms of roles, responsibilities, timetables, and more. Develop a communications strategy regarding what to tell others in the office. Remember, you need to check back with the parties to see how things are going. The more significant the conflict, the more frequently you will have to check back until you’re convinced the issue has been resolved.
Understand your role: Don’t be a judge — become a facilitator.Effective conflict management requires patience, practice, and more practice. Don’t expect to handle things perfectly the first time. I promise that using this framework will enhance both your confidence and competence.Mitchell Karp, Esq., MSOD, president of Karp Consulting Group, Inc., is a national and international consultant, coach, and trainer. He assists organizations and individuals in developing productive work environments free of bias, harassment, and discrimination. He also specializes in team building, diversity initiatives, and conflict resolution. He can be reached at (212) 629-9158 or
Karp Consulting.For more information, visit one of Mr. Karp's Web sites at
Vallot Karp or Karp Consulting. Mr. Karp holds a BS in Industrial and Labor Relations from Cornell University, a JD from Rutgers Law School, and a Masters of Organization Development from American University.
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