By Harriett M. Kaster, CDA
I’ll bet that at one time in our careers, each of us has had to work with a difficult coworker. Difficult can describe an employee who is a gossip, rude, critical of others, spiteful, back-stabbing, lazy, not a team player, and a dozen other things.
Whatever the contributing trait that makes this particular coworker difficult, learning to deal and co-exist with him or her can be a long and arduous process for all members of the staff.
Having worked with a difficult coworker for nearly nine years, I can attest to the fact that co-existing in peace actually can be accomplished. Surprisingly, it can be done with only one of the parties making a conscious effort to remedy the situation. In my case, the resolution was never discussed with the employee who was the cause of my frustration. I simply considered the situation carefully, identified the behaviors that frustrated me, and researched what I could do to deal with her behavior rather than continue to let it frustrate me, or worse yet, have to leave the practice that I so enjoyed.
I must warn you; if you plan on using this method of resolution, you must be willing to overlook many things, and say and do things that you don't necessarily mean but that you know will diffuse a tense situation. Most of all you must be willing to accept the fact that at the end of it all, it doesn't really matter who was right or wrong or who had a better way. You must always remember that the ONLY important thing is that a harmonious atmosphere be created where your patients can receive quality care and your office can run smoothly. YOU must remember these things because chances are the coworker you’re having difficulty with will probably never be able to put the welfare of the patients or office before her own needs.
For the difficult coworker, the need to be smarter than everyone else or always be right or more important than everyone else will always supersede the need to work harmoniously with others. It has been my experience that the bad behavior displayed by the difficult coworker is most often the result of his or her own insecurities and need to feel good.
These deep-rooted emotional issues cannot be rooted out or made to disappear. They cannot be addressed in the same way as poor attendance or the misuse of phone privileges. These underlying reasons for unprofessional behavior are far too complex for this. There are only two ways to deal with this difficult coworker — either dismiss the person, or learn to understand and ignore the irrational and unprofessional behavior because it will not change.
To effectively deal with unprofessional behavior that stems from insecurities, one must relate the action or comment made to the emotional dysfunction of the person. Ignoring irrational behavior is much easier when you understand the reasons for the behavior. Take the time to get to know the coworker you’re having trouble with. What kind of marriage does the person have? What kind of parenting did the person have? Does this person really like him or herself? Does he or she feel like a person of worth? Many times, finding the answers will explain why difficult people behave the way they do.
Learning how to effectively ignore the actions or comments that frustrate you is a very challenging undertaking. However, it can be done. I know, because I did it. I learned to ignore the criticism of all that I did. I learned to ignore the disapproving looks. I learned to defend my actions to others when someone gossiped about me and moved on. Most importantly, I learned to feel sorry for this coworker. I felt bad that she had to find fault with others to feel better about herself. I felt sorry for her because she had no capability to appreciate the diversity of the people she worked with. She could only disapprove because not everyone acted or believed like she did. Once I learned to put her behavior in its proper perspective, ignoring her difficult behavior became much easier.
Going one step further — as time went by I actually found humor in many of the things she said or did. I can remember many occasions when I just shook my head, thinking how ridiculous the things she said or did actually were, and then I just laughed about it and moved on.
Finally the most difficult portion of my plan for a peaceful co-existence — when I discovered that if I apologized to my coworker for whatever it was I said or did to upset her, she always jumped at the opportunity to "forgive" me. This was truly hard for me to do until I realized that my empty apologies afforded her the opportunity to "forgive" me, and thus made her feel good about herself. She actually needed to feel like the bigger person because she "forgave" me. I was happy to let her do this. It was a way for me to help this poor, emotionally fragile soul feel better about herself for a while.
I really could have cared less that I was constantly apologizing to her for reasons
I could not even identify. I was just happy that I had figured out a way to keep peace between us and in the office. I often found the whole thing humorous.
I realize that not everyone will be able to go as far as I did to get along with a coworker. It worked for me because I was not willing to leave a doctor that I respected and enjoyed working with, nor was I willing to leave entire families of patients with whom I had developed relationships over the years. However, my experience should show everyone that if you take the time to understand the underlying reasons for a coworker's poor behavior, the decision to stay and make it work, or to move on to another practice, can be thoughtfully made.
Author bio
Harriett M. Kaster, CDA, is a dental assisting instructor at Kaplan College, Indianapolis NW Campus. She may be contacted at [email protected].
