"I'm a wreck," Cathy stated as she entered my office. “I don’t want to give this speech. Why did I ever say ‘yes’ when they asked me six months ago?” She went on to say, “I’m just glad the convention planner hired you to work with me on this presentation.”
In the past, have you had any bad speaking experiences?” I asked. “Yes,” she replied, wide eyed. “How did you guess?”
“What happened to you? If we discuss this, it will defuse the feeling and calm you.”
Cathy explained, “When giving a book report about the military corps in high school, I didn’t realize the ‘p’ and the ‘s’ were silent. I kept saying ‘military corpse’ and the class couldn’t stop howling. I’ve never been happy giving a speech since!”
Dr. Sharon Melnick, a psychologist affiliated with Harvard Medical School, refers to this as a Trigger Point - a painful reminder of an experience that’s being relived in the moment. Dr. Melnick says, “Many times we carry around a negative memory of an event that triggers discomfort in the present.”
As a successful leader and professional, I want you to speak for yourself with power and presence at the lectern. Cathy suffered from a universal challenge: getting overly nervous. Here’s how I coached Cathy and how you can overcome speaking anxiety too.
Let’s begin by agreeing that it’s OK to have a degree of nervousness. In fact, nervousness begets adrenaline, which begets energy, which begets enthusiasm, and without it, you’d be blah.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 signifying you are panicked down to 1 that signifies you are deadly bored, you want to strike a balance and be at a 5 - pumped. The trick is to channel your nervousness in a positive direction.
I’ve worked with many clients on the fear of public speaking. You are not alone! I always ask them where they feel they are on this 1 to 10 scale, and I pose that question to you as well. One attorney told me he was a 36! Most feel they’re around 7 to 10. No matter how panicked you feel, I guarantee these suggestions will move you towards a 5.
Have a PMA (positive mental attitude) - Imagine that you’ve already given the speech and that the event was a resounding success. Recite a mantra - We are excellent negative self-talkers. When you begin to beat yourself up, click to your mantra. Mine is: “I know that I know and the audience will love hearing what I have to say.” Be kind to yourself - Before your speech, listen to music that inspires you. Do not listen to the news or read the paper. Surround yourself with positive stimuli. Work on past trigger memories - Embrace your past bad speaking moments and try to find the humor. In one of my prior WDJ columns I told you that I once stood up to give a speech and my skirt did not! The darn thing fell down. I can laugh now, rather than cry (as I did then), and this abysmal memory does not keep me from being confident. Drink room temperature water - Hot and cold liquids constrict your vocal cords. Room temp water hydrates your voice and helps maintain vocal variety. Look at energy givers and ignore energy zappers - Concentrate on all of those participants who are happy, involved, and interested in your message. Ignore those few who might be snoozing or negative. You don’t know what kind of emotional baggage they are bringing to your meeting. They could have stayed awake all night due to a cold or a fight with a loved one. Think that they are just having a prayerful moment and don’t try to force them to love you. It will drain you and take away from the energy givers. (If everyone is sleeping, call me!) One time a dental client told me this was the best tip he received from our full day of coaching. He kept trying to please the one or two energy zappers in his audiences. Now he stays more positive by connecting with the majority of the room - who are happy to be there and want to continue to listen to him.Breathe deeply - Think yoga!Don’t admit to the audience that you’re nervous - Just begin speaking. Your audience won’t know what you haven’t said and if you tell them of your misery, you’ll stay focused on this negative emotion.Be in control of your physical side effects - Nervousness shows up in physical ways such as sweaty palms, blotchy neck, shaking hands, a quivering voice. Know which physical side effects may happen to you and do not wish them away. That just adds one more layer of angst. Instead, get ready for these physical events and figure out how to handle them. I get hot and sweaty when I’m nervous. Therefore, you’ll never find me wearing wool or cashmere when I’m giving a presentation.For a quivering voice, sing in the shower the morning of your speech. Exercise your vocal cords. Warble up and down the scale.For a blotchy neck, wear a scarf or a turtleneck. Just cover up where you get blotchy.For shaking hands, do some isometric exercises in the bathroom just ahead of showtime. Press your hands together and hold for three seconds. Dangle your hands at your side. Do some biceps curls. Get the blood moving.For sweaty palms, bring a small towel and wipe your hands before your speech during a private moment. Arrive early and stay late - Pretend you are the host of a party and your attendees are your guests. By arriving early you’ll stay calm, comfortable, and in command. You’ll also get the opportunity to check your sound system and microphone and make sure your laptop connects with the LCD projector if you’re using visuals. Dashing out after your speech decreases your chance to build rapport, and may possibly leave a negative impression.As women and leaders in the dental profession, it’s important for you to speak for yourself with power and presence. Cathy succeeded with her presentation. You will too, by using these tools to transform nervousness into positive energy.
Karen Cortell Reisman, MS
Ms. Reisman teaches organizations how to increase productivity by communicating effectively. She has been a visiting faculty presenter at The Pankey Institute, a speaker at dental meetings, and president of Speak for Yourself for 14 years. To get Karen’s Top Ten list on how to blow it as a communicator, fax (972) 385-7652 or email www.SpeakForYourself. com.
